Positive behaviour starts at home: practical tips for families

By Sara Asciamprener, Level 3 senior educator at N Angel
Having studied Psychology with a specialism in child development, Sara brings a wealth of experience – 10 years, to her role as an early years educator.

 

Managing children’s behaviour can be one of the biggest challenges for families. Whether it’s tantrums, defiance, or sibling squabbles, these moments can test even the most patient among us. But the good news is that behaviour management doesn’t have to mean shouting or punishment.

In fact, old-school approaches such as raising your voice or using consequences aren’t just outdated, they often don’t work in the long run. These methods can leave children feeling disconnected from the people they need most. Instead, modern, positive strategies help children feel safe, supported, and ready to learn from their mistakes.

So, what is behaviour management?

At its heart, behaviour management is about guiding children to make the right choices and understand the impact of their actions. When done well, it creates not only a more peaceful home but also helps children grow into thoughtful, responsible and empathetic individuals.

In this article, we’ll explore simple, practical strategies you can start using right away to encourage positive behaviour and build stronger, more respectful relationships with your children.

Understanding your child’s behaviour: a brain-based approach

From a psychological perspective, young children’s brains work very differently from adult brains. Coupled with this is the neuroplasticity of a child’s brain – the ability to learn and retain information – this is much greater earlier in life and so children are more able to develop the ability to manage big emotions, make thoughtful decisions, and understand consequences. This therefore means that how we respond to a child’s actions and behaviours, especially in the early years, has such a powerful impact.

Children learn through the reactions of the people around them. If a child hits and we laugh, for example, they may think hitting is funny or acceptable. Whether we realise it or not, every response we give teaches them something – positive or negative.

As their primary carers, we have a huge influence on shaping our children’s behaviour. By responding calmly and consistently, we can guide them away from unwanted behaviours and help them build more positive, adaptive ones.

Below are some key principles that educators use in early childhood settings such as N Family Club to manage challenging behaviour – strategies that can be just as effective in the home.

Key principles of behaviour management at home

By using them consistently, these behavioural strategies will help your child feel safe, understood, and more in control of their own actions.

1. Set clear expectations

Children feel more secure when they know what’s expected of them. Clear rules and routines help them understand what behaviour is appropriate, and why.

Top tips:

• Be specific, avoid vague language, and always explain the reason behind your request. For example “We’re going to walk to the park now. I expect you to stay close to me and hold my hand.”
• It’s also important to explain the WHY. For example “We will be crossing busy roads, and I want to keep you safe.”

When children understand both the expectation and the WHY behind it, they’re more likely to cooperate.

2. Use positive reinforcement

One of the most effective ways to encourage good behaviour is to focus on what your child is doing right. Positive reinforcement means praising or rewarding behaviours you want to see more often.

Here are two simple ways to use it:

• Praise and affirmation – be specific in your praise so your child understands exactly what they did well. For example “I’m really proud of how you shared your toy with your friend. That was very kind.”
• Tangible rewards – small, immediate rewards can also help. This might be extra playtime, a sticker, or a favourite snack.

Just remember – timing matters. Young children live in the moment, so rewards are most effective when given immediately after good behaviour.

3. Be consistent

Consistency builds trust and helps children understand the rules. When rules and responses change from day to day, children can feel confused – and may push boundaries more often.

Stick to the same expectations across different situations. Use simple, positive language, especially with younger children. Instead of saying “Don’t run” try “Walking, please.”

This makes it easier for children to understand and remember.

4. Model the behaviour you want to see

Children learn by watching the adults around them. How you speak, act, and react becomes a powerful lesson in how they should behave.

Here are a few tips:

• Get down to your child’s eye level and maintain gentle eye contact to show you’re really listening.
• Speak in a calm but firm voice – especially when correcting behaviour. Focus on explaining why a rule exists, rather than just enforcing it.
• Try to keep your own emotions in check. Children often mirror what they see, so staying calm helps prevent emotional outbursts.

5. Teach replacement behaviours

When children act out, it’s often because they’re trying to communicate something – tiredness, hunger, frustration, or overwhelm. Your role is to help them express those needs in a more appropriate way.

If your child can talk, encourage them to name their feelings: “You seem really upset. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

If they’re struggling to use words, help guide them toward a better way to cope. For example:

• If they’re hitting, show them how to say “I’m angry” instead, using a Makaton sign.
• If they’re frustrated, offer them space to calm down before talking things through.

It’s okay to let children have big feelings, as long as you create safe boundaries and guide them toward more constructive ways to express themselves.

In conclusion

Effective behaviour management begins with understanding, consistency, and connection. As this article has outlined, when families use positive reinforcement, set clear boundaries, and model appropriate behaviour, they create a supportive environment that helps children thrive emotionally, socially, and academically. Importantly, managing behaviour is not about controlling children, but about teaching them self-regulation, empathy, and responsibility.

While no strategy offers instant results, with patience, persistence, and a willingness to adapt, families can foster lasting changes in their children’s behaviour. By approaching challenges with empathy and maintaining open communication, families can build stronger relationships and promote healthy development at every stage.