September feels like a reset

By Becki Nazareth

Now, this may be because I have just experienced my first school summer holiday, turns out 6 weeks is pretty long time to juggle a child (well two but the small one is still at nursery), work and all the other things we are constantly navigating as parents.

So I see September as an opportunity to rethink my work-life fit and I am inviting you to do the same. A chance for us all to reflect and create a different way of working and living that aligns with what is important to us, and fit together the puzzle pieces in a way that serves us. In summary, moving away from surviving to managing, and maybe even thriving.

More than 70% of parents with young children believe it is getting harder every year to be a parent in Britain (Unicef, 2023). I always think it’s worth calling out that it feels hard because it IS hard, regardless of the joy our kids bring us. Gabor Mate states that “it is the hardest time to mother since the second world war.” So be kind to yourself and let’s look at what you can focus your energy on.

It’s worth adding here that I am a specialist parent transition coach with a background in transformative behaviour change yet I still struggle with getting my fit right. But over time, I have learnt to notice when it is off and this is the first step in building self-awareness and shifting to improve it.

The starting point

Use “fit” not balance. Balance is elusive, it implies that perfect exists and we just haven’t found it yet. When in reality, our work-life fit needs to flex and adapt based on what is going on for us, our families and our work at any given point. My fit in the holidays, when my son needed me more, was entirely different to my fit now we are in September. My fit changes in intense work weeks and when my kids get sick. Adjusting your mindset to being adaptable and focusing on your priorities is key to this.

How do we know what to prioritise?

It comes down to what you value and this can often change as we become parents. Being able to articulate what is important to you and why (known as your core values) can help you to make decisions around where you direct your energy and time. This is always my starting place with my coaching clients, but it can be achieved with self-reflection; I recommend working through “Exploring your Values” by AmazingIF.

Reflect…often

In my session, I introduced the ‘Wheel of Life’ , a visual tool that can be useful to aid your reflection in just 5 mins (because let’s be honest time is not something we have at our disposal as a parent.) If you haven’t had time to figure out your values, open up the session handout, and choose from the key areas I have identified. Ask yourself, how content am I in this area at the moment? In my ideal world, how would this look different? Is there anything small I could change that may make a big difference? All of this is helping you to become more aware of what might be right and more likely what might be wrong with your current work-life fit.

Manage your energy aka “how full is your cup?”

By the end of the summer mine was empty, despite doing some amazing things that filled it up, it was draining at a quicker rate. We live and we learn- so ask yourself how full is your cup? What is taking your energy right now? What are you doing to fill your cup up? And then commit to doing something to rebalance, this could be anything from going to a class each week to giving yourself 15 mins between work calls at work. Start to prioritise yourself, you’d be amazed at the ripple effect it has on how you parent and work (your brain’s stress response and the impact that has on your health proves this!)

Set clear boundaries

Once you’ve done the above you’ll have a pretty good idea of what you want your work-life fit to look like and a few things you can change to help you achieve it. Boundaries are going to keep you in check. I know the more I break my boundaries, the more my energy will be depleted and therefore it needs to be a conscious choice. So what boundaries do you have right now (if any)? What boundaries could you put in place that would support you achieving a better work-life fit? Try holding one for the next few weeks and note the impact it has on how you feel.

It may not sound complex but making these adjustments to support your work-life fit means changing habitual behaviour patterns, and that takes time. One thing proven to support this change is finding yourself an accountability partner, somebody who can support and challenge you when you need it. Consider who that could be and then share what you’d like to change and how you’d like them to be there for you.

Good luck and be kind to yourself. Parenting is the best and hardest thing most of us will ever do. I am incredibly passionate about giving parents the unparalleled support they need regardless of where they are in their journey.